Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Bob Raissman can kiss my rAiSS, man.

Since the Yankees had the day off today, various idiots took the opportunity to spew their mental ineptitude onto paper or into binary digits. I'm generally a good diplomat and, while I speak my mind, I always try to stay open to other facets of an argument. After reading the Daily News crap today, I threw that open-mindedness out the window for a minute to write this.

Taking the source into consideration, I still feel the need to recap certain points in Mr. Raissman's column today. The source in question, the same paper that still employs "Mr. Whine" Mike Lupica, often does little to distinguish itself from the putrid journalism found in the New York Post. Both tabloids feature dense sports sections, thick with inflammatory punditry, that offer little more than the raving lunacy of sports radio. I still check in to see what's going on, but far too often I'm annoyed. I gotta kick the habit one of these days. Let's take Assman's "musings" one by one shall we?

...it is highly doubtful A-Rod would have concocted the kind of excuses Al Yankzeera's crew did during - and after - the Bombers' 6-5 loss.

The analysis was so dubious, the voices - Michael Kay, Bobby Murcer and John Flaherty - would have been better off saying nothing, allowing the booing fans' critique to stand on its own.

Yup....it's one of these articles. I can just see Raissman maniacally grinning to himself as he sat in front of his keyboard with his meatball sub and Diet Coke, ready to rip into A-Rod.

At least none of the TV guys reacted sarcastically to the boo birds. That's what their radio colleague John Sterling did. After Rodriguez popped out in the fifth, with one out and Derek Jeter on second, Sterling said: "All he (A-Rod) has to do to stop the booing is get a hit every time up."

Sterling's sarcasm ignored the fact the booing would stop if Rodriguez would ever produce some timely hitting, especially given the Bombers' current banged-up state.

As much as I hate to side with John Sterling on anything, is he wrong? Fans have booed A-Rod virtually from opening day this year. He won the MVP last season for Christ's sake. In a Yankee uniform he sports a .300/.398/.559 line which caluclates to a .957 OPS. He hit the most home runs by a right hander in Yankees history last year. With runners in scoring position THIS SEASON he is .319/.467/.609 and with runners in scoring position and 2 outs he is .333/.511/.606, if you care to check the numbers before you puke this garbage into your computer Bob. How about with the bases loaded. .500/.556/1.000.....But I guess that's not "timely" enough for Assman.

Sterling's anti-fan spin was not surprising. The fact that Murcer decided to offer cliche rather than analysis after A-Rod's fifth-inning pop fly, was. When it comes to breaking down hitting problems, Murcer usually gets creative. Not on Sunday, when he basically told fans, who are all too familiar with Rodriguez's primary deficiency, not to worry.

"Fans all to familiar with Rodriguez's primary deficiency"...you know he was orgasmic over typing that. So we can just ignore the aforementioned contributions and achievements because the drunken idiots who occupy the cheap seats think they're entitled to see A-Rod perform something superhuman during every at bat? What should Murcer have said? "There he goes again. Geez....could A-Rod suck more? How 'bout a hit sometime A-Hole." What did he say anyway?

Murcer said Rodriguez was "obviously" struggling. "But you know, all your good hitters always struggle. They go through periods where they don't hit the ball that well," Murcer said. "... I'm talking about Ted Williams and all the good hitters. But they don't stay in slumps that long."

I love how he puts "obviously" in quotes for that extra smugness. What the hell is wrong with that? Isn't it true? A-Rod slumped at the start of the year and then responded to the Boss' rant in the papers by winning the AL Player of the Month for May. He raised his average 50 points, and his OPS by 100. He's sliding a bit over the last week or so, but he'll charge back and finish the year with typical A-Rod numbers. By the All Star break, I expect that he'll be where he should be.

Any realistic Yankee fan was already feeling queasy after hearing Kay say in the first inning that Rodriguez may have returned to the field too early after being down with a stomach virus.

This information provided Flaherty (who otherwise was impressive in a rare YES booth appearance Sunday) with another tailor-made excuse for A-Rod on the postgame show. "We have to remember that the guy came back early from a virus, and that he wasn't feeling good," Flaherty said. "His bat felt a little sluggish."

Next time Assman has a stomach flu from too many post-expiration date 7-11 nachos I'll be sure to write something about what a hack he is. I'll call him a pussy for compromising the "quality" (my version of Assman smugness) of his writing because he wuz a wittle sick...boo hoo.

A-Rod's bat tired? Kind of like all these excuses.

Ooooooh. Clever ending. Tired, "kind of like your column."